he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
