Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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