I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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