My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
