He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
