Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i barfeds in our rink
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize