I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize