i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
