dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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