my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
cat food counts as protein by the way
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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