But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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