why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't deserve a penis
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize