and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
