Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
