i already hear my dad disowning me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
