He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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