We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
