i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We named our party play list daddy issues
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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