Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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