So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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