You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I died a long time ago.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize