thus making me awesome and them whores
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
