Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
