If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
