i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
