The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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