Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize