Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
