I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
