Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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