another moral hangover. fuck.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
