When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
