Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
