Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize