Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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