What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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