Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
