It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
