you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
