I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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