i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
