Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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