she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
