i just wanna soil my oats bro
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
