You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize