if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
