so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
