i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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