You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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