Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You are a genius and a whore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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