After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
