He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
