um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want a musical about memes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
