So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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