You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
