You just made me feel so damn special
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize