It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize