People in love make me want to vomit
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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