what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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