that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
