she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
