will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize