So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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