think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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