it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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