3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
