you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
