He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
